White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
