Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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