drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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