Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
