she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
