dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
