I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
