i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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