i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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