I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
