I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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