3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize