I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
