He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
