Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
