I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just want nice things and good sex
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
