I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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