What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
