Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
