Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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