it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
