it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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