Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize