How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
