my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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