HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
