I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize