so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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