as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
