were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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