There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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