wakey wakey hands off snakey
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
