trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
