Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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