I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
