At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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