Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize