So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
