bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
