I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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