Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
