But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
