u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
