The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
