My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
