In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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