We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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