Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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