he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
