Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
