he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
