Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think my mom watched the whole time
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
