Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
