so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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