Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize