Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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