If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
