I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
