Kiss
Puke
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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