My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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