My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
