We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize