Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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