Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
