When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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