I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
