Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize