I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
