I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
