ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
